Bribing your Kids to Succeed

Have you ever bribed your child to stop doing something that you did not want them to do, or given them a reward for performing a particular task?  Offering toys for tantrums, gifts for good grades or money for manners, are techniques used by parents, teachers and coaches around the world.  Techniques that can have both a positive or negative affect on a child, as they grow. 

Unfortunately, most people are applying a reward system to a child’s behavior that only continues to reinforce their negative behavior.  As parents we want our children to succeed in everything they do.  From school to sports, we seek to instill in our children the qualities necessary for them to achieve greatness, but are we providing them with the proper motivation? When dealing with achievement and rewards, one must consider the way the reward is presented and how the child will perceive the reward. 

There are two basic types of reward systems.  Intrinsic rewards are the most powerful motivators that allow students and athletes to associate the amount of effort they put into a given task, with something they feel is meaningful.  Extrinsic rewards on the other hand, offer bribes and rewards for completing a certain task.  If a child believes that he is going to get money for every “A” he brings home on his report card or for every goal he scores in a game, then the child is working for the money and person offering the bribe/reward, not for himself, the grade or the love of playing a sport. 

Although at times acceptable, critics and sports psychologists warn against the temptation of extrinsic rewards/bribes and believe that children learn best when they are driven by intrinsic motivation.  Children need to earn high marks or score goals, because they want to, not just because they are getting a reward.  Try not to make the rewards routine, instead make them occasional.  If you always provide a child with money, a toy or candy for what they should or should not be doing; a child will expect this every time and will eventually stop performing altogether if not rewarded with what they believe to be appropriate.  This is a very dangerous lesson that will allow children to learn that they can have whatever they want, exactly when they want it.  Staying on this path will eventually cost you a lot more money.  Your pockets might be deep enough right now; but what are you going to do when they ask for a Mercedes Benz to complete a task?  Help your child find meaning in what they want to achieve.  Show them the importance of hard work and dedication and let them take pride in themselves and their accomplishments.